Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
