yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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