Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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