Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
