hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
