Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
