it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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