the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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