I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
