I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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