My first STD was from a foam party
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
