dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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