my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
