you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
