Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
