I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
