I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
