So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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