One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
