When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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