man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
