I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
