they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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