Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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