My hand turned me down
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
