Michael Bay diarrhea
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
