Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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