dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
