Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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