i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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