why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
