So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
