I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
