3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Let's paint friendship bongs
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
