i love accidental penises.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
