i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well I just put wine in my tea
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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