I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
