Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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