i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
