Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
