I like to think it a success when the cops are called
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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