I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
