I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im about as happy as oj after his trial
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
