remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
