Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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