I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
