I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
