8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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