so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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