You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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