Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
