this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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